memory lane

Because I have, apparently, unlimited amounts of spare time, my mind power has been taken up periodically with thoughts of the truly ridiculous decisions I've made in my 26 years. Wait. . . so, you don't do that? Weird.

Anyway, one of the instagram (that's the what the kids call it, right?) things I randomly saw included a random girl I worked with at one of those big box electronics stores randomly several years ago, who randomly had a friend who came into work on a day I was working, who I then randomly dated for approximately 30 seconds before I made lots of stupid decisions and was like: "HEYYYY!!! I'm CRRAAAAZZZZYYYYY!!! p.s. you should like me!" Then he did for about 15 seconds, and then didn't for the last 15, and it was weird. Except, in my head I was subconsciously sending him telepathic messages that said: "Dude, I totally get it. I mean, what the hell, right?"

I've been thinking about this lately, I guess, because getting married has always been, in my mind, one of those times when you take a kind of tally of Life Before Significant Life Event A and Life After Significant Life Event A, and if all the tally marks in Life Before come out to where they should, the whole getting married thing makes sense and Well Done, You. And if they don't . . . you're an idiot? Something like that. Like, did I really need to kiss that random dude whose name I can't remember, and who I never spoke to again? (Except, I totally never did that, OBVIOUSLY.) And, wow, Sarah, that was a lot of embarrassing situations crammed into a pseudo two-week relationship. Are there awards for these things?

But then again maybe all of that doesn't matter, right? because no matter the meandering (and misguided?) route you took, at least none of those douche bags ended up being your husband? and you stopped with the whole pseudo relationship thing lots of years ago? (Cue "God Bless the Broken Road." That one's for you, Emiley. *Dramatic Pause for Emphasis* You're welcome.)

And, not to spoil it or anything, but now's one of those times I'm going to tell you an "I-sat-next-to-a-random-person-on-an-airplane-and-we-changed-eachothers-lives-forever" stories. Or something? So, in talking to said random person on the plane, I found myself repeating the Sarah C. Adage of Birth - Present. "Yeah, everything's a lot more complicated then I ever thought it would be." (So typically existential for the aforementioned Airplane + Random Stranger + Missionary Experience or Otherwise Life-Altering Conversation.) Which is really true, and which could possibly explain the chasm between what I might perceive my Life Before should have been compared to what it Is.

And, I'm almost 30. And you can laugh at that because I'm well known as the person who calls themselves "almost 27" the day after their 26th birthday, but it's completely true. Like, I'm almost 30, and that's going to be a real thing that's going to happen, and there's not a lot to be done about it. And I'm getting married, to a man who will be my husband, and the choice is made, and it's him, and it's me, and that's what it is. And there's about 98% of my brain that's like: That's so cute that you finally got the neighbor boy to play house with you. Now let's go find the Water Baby and Strawberry Shortcake blanket to wrap it in until Mom makes you tuna for lunch.

So, I'm doing a lot of that tallying, I think, and remembering a lot of the decisions I've made that haven't been "flattering." I think that's a kind word for it.

It probably doesn't matter all that much. There certainly isn't anything to be done about it, that's for sure.

But these are the things I'm thinking about, and I'm assuming you're reading this because what I think about is of interest to you. The end.